long and useless

This thing over NC17 - and whether to be locked or not locked - actually reminded me of a conversation a few people, including me, wikdsushi, lexin, and ellen_fremedon had over lubricants at Nimbus2003. I haven't actually thought on whether it would work, but with the amount of lubricant floating around the internet, wouldn't it be interesting to see what else (besides the ever so useful spell that gives everyone automatic lubrication) could be used? A spell that allows no trouble, no mess, and easy clean up is convenient for sure, but where's the fun in that?

A number of articles were suggested, including: rocket fuel (or was it just fuel?), wasabi (sparked, I think, by the fact that we were planning to go to a Japanese restaurant that evening), mayonnaise, various forms of salad dressing, and others. It was a pretty brief conversation, so I can't remember it as well as I should have, but the wasabi made a deep impression on me, because for one, it would hurt like a bitch to use that as lubricant. And two, it's green. Imagine that on a hard prick.

I would say yummy, but I'm not very fond of wasabi (read: at all), so I'm trying to imagine how a person would get to the wasabi in the first place. So desperate that they have no time to grab anything else? So desperate that they don't see the label? Or... so wizard-y that they don't know what wasabi is? It's possible. Depending on the strength of the wasabi, it could very well render the male writhing in pain.

Hm...

I'd like to see someone take this; I'll try, but I'm a geek and terrible at writing NC17 slash fics, so it would turn out rather poorly, if that.

I don't write very many NC17 fics. It's personally hard for me to write them, het OR slash. I can do it, but it takes an enormous amount of effort and time to scribble one out. Sometimes I can spend months agonizing over a paragraph, because I often have to go online to research the little details, like how someone would deal with body hair. Male body hair. (I have a small aversion to body hair in general.)

Often, the fics never see the light of day because I'm simply not happy with them. I would like to be able to write smut and lemons, but I've pretty much accepted that a little more work is necessary before I can write it legibly and with enough reality to it; in that, it means that I want to be able to write something that was physically possible. I've read enough smut to know that unless the legs of a guy are thrown over the other guy's shoulders, it's pretty much impossible to be in the missionary position for good ol' arse action.

I would like it to be possible, but unless it's two acrobatic circus performers... probably not.

Little things like that.

-_- Always, the Mandrake/Snape fic comes into question when I say I can't write NC17 fics. Well, I would point out that it was with a plant. It basically was new area; I could write what I thought it would be like without much of a chance of it being wrong, since there aren't too many people who have had sex with a plant. Other than that one fluke of a fic, my rare other lemons are pretty bad. -_- Just thinking of that 3X4 lemon I wrote a couple of years ago makes me shudder. It was bad.

Kind of the same thing with the Niffler/Snape fic. Niffler's don't technically (though how do we know? ~_0) exist, so I could just go with my imagination.

I would like to think I've advanced somewhat; I can read NC17 fics anywhere (well, almost) without blinking, blushing, or even grinning like a maniac. It's no longer as 'huge' as it once was, and it's much harder to shock me now.

There's been 'some' laughter about how those who can't write it are the ones complaining; well, I am one. I cannot write good smut, and it's alright (for now: goal of the New Year - a slash fic that has no remorse) with me. But I don't think being a virgin is something bad. Sure, people complain both ways about virginity - how it's overrated and how the emphasis placed on it is preventing men and women alike from enjoying themselves themselves to the other spectrum that trumpets virginity like some huge, over-compensating shield - but I actually think of virginity as just there. I don't have sex because I haven't met anyone who I would really want to jump into the sack with. It's not because I'm a prude, over-moralizing, or frigid. Nor is it because I find sex distasteful, rude, or 'bad'. And I'm not going to think any less of myself or anyone else who has and will lose their virginity for whatever Reason X. So it just sort of is.

That said, I enjoy NC17, R, Smut, Lemon, all that, with a passion. So really, in all but the most technical of senses, I have lost my virginity. ^___^