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demeter918Title: Envy
Author: Demeter
Series: Fruits Basket
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sohma Akito does not cry. In the conventional way.
He throws vases, breaks limbs, screams obscenities (though they hardly seem obscene when coming from pale lips stained crimson), but from Sohma Akito’s eyes, nothing but fury and madness runs. The Juunishi are used to it. Their complacency is a little bit of why Hatori barely spent three days in the hospital before he returned to the main house and allowed a tired Akito to sleep in his arms with the images of Kana still dancing like shadows through his one cloudy eye. It is why Shigure made the trips between his little home on the outskirts of the Sohma estate and the inner walls of Akito’s private chambers and does not stop Akito.
It is why Kyo never hits Akito, why Kisa accepts the pain, why Haru cannot say a word of reproach. No one could hate Akito.
No one wanted to.
But Akito thought they all did.
So the wounds always scabbed over, always healed, but they’d bleed, bleed, bleed again and again as their fractured family overcompensated for this cut and the next bruise. They were hidden from Akito’s view; no one knew what he might do if he was reminded of what pain his madness drew in sharp rivulets.
Perhaps that was the curse. To watch their god balance precariously on the edge between sanity and madness. And to watch Akito – a thin, pale boy whose smile had once made them all cry in relief – rave in terrible nightmares. There was no cure. There was no way to escape. They were locked into a cycle that caused the fall of one god and the rise of the next and no one, not even a dog, the loyal dog could stop Akito’s descent into a living hell that wasn’t quite hell.
But no one saw Akito cry. No one believed he even could cry. And what isn’t seen isn’t true.
A few years and Honda Tohru would have been too late. A few years too early, and she wouldn't have been able to get past the barriers.
Everyone could feel the delicate threads that bound their generation together breaking with every single day that passed upon after the arrival of one, Honda Tohru. The clan was drifting, drawn to a slip of a girl who projected warmth and love like a steady beacon, and even the unflappable Shigure was straying. The boy-god was feeling his beloved and cursed monsters leaving him; his irritation grew and his violence escalated.
It was the bitter taste of defeat, of grape seeds bursting in Akito’s mouth, and he hated Honda Tohru so much he killed her over and over in his dreams.
Akito does not cry, but it does not mean there are no tears.
~*~ FINIS ~*~
A/N – Something new I was trying out. I may expand on this idea, but it was an experiment of sorts.
By the way - my HP essay is still being worked on. I'm having trouble with the character (Percy) through no fault of his. I want to make this somewhat unbiased (hah, perish the thought) and it's not exactly working. It's late - due date June 30th - but I should have it done by tomorrow evening or Sunday. *pause* No, I will have it done.
Work is doing a number on me; I've never been so busy before. ^_^ Perhaps that's a good thing. I feel tired but strangely jubliant after each day's work, and it pleases me to know that I'm earning enough money for a month's worth of typing, filing, taking orders, and learning the ropes of managing a business.
Though I guess I it's because of... *makes face* I don't know. My sister is making my hair turn white, and I feel like she's really starting to distance herself from us now. I know it doesn't make much sense. I can't really put it into words.
I'm hoping things will get better once we all get together as a family. They may exasperate me most of the time, but hey, it's family. I don't think I could ever let them go, you know? I've been going up and down through various different moods; it was like going through a menstrual cycle without the blood. Very bad.
That was also why I didn't really write much in my livejournal for the past two weeks; I was at the point where venting was impossible because I was incoherent with rage. There was a lot of conflict. Let's leave it at that.
By the way; is it even possible for online blogs to get more hysterical and funny?
Yes.
It apparently can.
![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
fanfic_hateLine up your most hated HP slash fics, right here. And someone volunteered my Garden of Delights fic as "one of the worst slash fics ever". Does anyone even remember that atrocity? I submitted Snape to the mandrakes, and they were kind enough to bang him into oblivion during broad daylight.
I am strangely pleased. Is that bad?
There were a bunch of fics mentioned. As usual, there's the almost-too-normal fics reported; you know the ones I mean, but the community hit some subtle ones that - either because of content and pairing - aren't as widely read as they deserve.
And they missed some fics I thought deserved to be there. I mean; absolutely no one brought up Sushi's In Academia series, though that has been one of the few stories that actually made me ill. It was sick, sick, sick, sick, sick; I love it anyways. There was no The Coachwhip by Scorpio Grudge which has to be one of the more interesting snake-as-sexual-object fics I've yet to see. (Well, she hasn't posted anything to FF.net since 2002, so that might be a reason)
Nice to see several familiar series that I read a while back - rec time!
Tea Series by Telanu
I'm guessing this was listed because this was one of the first Snape/Harry fics in existence and the first I ever read. It was also incredibly hot, incredibly sexy, incredibly angsty and oh yes - it made me like Snape/Harry. For a little while. And then the Snape-goes-to-Harry's-House-to-get-him stories started. And the Snape-is-Harry's-Dad. And Harry-goes-to-live-with-Snape. And, um - the love went away. Also, most everyone has read this, so I don't
The Losing Side by Antenora
I don't like Harry/Draco as much as I used to (essentially, it's sort of the same thing that happened to Snape/Harry, only at a much faster pace) but I still really like this fic, especially since Pansy Pakinson is abso-fucking-lutely awesome in here. Can I expand the fic about her rather than H/D? ^_^![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
antenora has not been on LJ lately (since September of 2003, I think?) so I don't know whether she changed journals or something else happened; I haven't seen any new chapters either so if you hate WIP with passion then skip!
Underwater Light by Maya
Sure, there are parts of it I don't think really suits Draco OR Harry, but hey! Everything we right is essentially fanon!HP. There is no such thing as writing canon, because none of us are Rowling. Perhaps she's somewhere out there, writing under a psuedonym, but I doubt it. Though it'd be awfully cool to write fanfiction about your own series... XD And besides; she has Pansy Parkinson - and I love this Pansy Parkinson. Furious passion at its best. ^_^
simmysim
They said "anything by simmysim". Not true; I rather like all her Draco/Ron fics. Come to think about it, she might have been the only Draco/Ron writer I've read. Mostly because the pairing doesn't quite interest me. Secondly, because there are curiously few authors who have tackled this pairing. Because H/D is so much more appealing? Because Ron/Hermione is so omgitscanon that Ron is more standard fare? Nooo onnneeee knows.
The Mirror of Maybe by Midnight Blue
Am sad that this fic is plodding at such a slow pace, but since the writing is lovely, I can't help but be patient. I read this when I was in my Harry/Snape phase and I can only say; kewl. Harry is almost GaryStuish, but that's cause he's so darn cool and powerful. It was a little awkward to read about him being so 'worldly', but I got past it.
I've finished a Sakura-centric fic (from Naruto) that needs some editing before it can be put up. I anticipate Sunday. I really, really, really like it. *loves*
Links to Fruits Basket Anime Music Videos
LuV & jOy oF FrUiTs BaSkEt (All! Except Akito *pouts*)
Disturbing Behaviour (Kagura)
Empathetic (Yuki/Tohru/Kyo)
Riceball Love
Colorful Love
Grande Finale (absolutely BEAUTIFUL Hatori/Kana tribute)
Love Hurts (hysterical Kagura one!)
Wash Away those Years
Tears in Heaven (an Akito/Tohru video)
Links to a couple of Naruto vids
Disney in D(wchang) Minor
Tears of Snow (A Haku Tribute
Toushi (Absolutely awesome)
These are anime-specific. There are some crossovers that are really pretty, especially "Tainted Donuts". I'll list my favourite ones later. ^_^
I've been considering in just putting up the scans from the manga; translating them is more of hassle than I originally thought, and it's putting a kink in... well, everything. -_- Well, Volume 10 first. Then 11, because that has the most awesome scene of Akito absolutely beautiful in all his rage.
Author: Demeter
Series: Fruits Basket
~*~*~*~*~*~
Sohma Akito does not cry. In the conventional way.
He throws vases, breaks limbs, screams obscenities (though they hardly seem obscene when coming from pale lips stained crimson), but from Sohma Akito’s eyes, nothing but fury and madness runs. The Juunishi are used to it. Their complacency is a little bit of why Hatori barely spent three days in the hospital before he returned to the main house and allowed a tired Akito to sleep in his arms with the images of Kana still dancing like shadows through his one cloudy eye. It is why Shigure made the trips between his little home on the outskirts of the Sohma estate and the inner walls of Akito’s private chambers and does not stop Akito.
It is why Kyo never hits Akito, why Kisa accepts the pain, why Haru cannot say a word of reproach. No one could hate Akito.
No one wanted to.
But Akito thought they all did.
So the wounds always scabbed over, always healed, but they’d bleed, bleed, bleed again and again as their fractured family overcompensated for this cut and the next bruise. They were hidden from Akito’s view; no one knew what he might do if he was reminded of what pain his madness drew in sharp rivulets.
Perhaps that was the curse. To watch their god balance precariously on the edge between sanity and madness. And to watch Akito – a thin, pale boy whose smile had once made them all cry in relief – rave in terrible nightmares. There was no cure. There was no way to escape. They were locked into a cycle that caused the fall of one god and the rise of the next and no one, not even a dog, the loyal dog could stop Akito’s descent into a living hell that wasn’t quite hell.
But no one saw Akito cry. No one believed he even could cry. And what isn’t seen isn’t true.
A few years and Honda Tohru would have been too late. A few years too early, and she wouldn't have been able to get past the barriers.
Everyone could feel the delicate threads that bound their generation together breaking with every single day that passed upon after the arrival of one, Honda Tohru. The clan was drifting, drawn to a slip of a girl who projected warmth and love like a steady beacon, and even the unflappable Shigure was straying. The boy-god was feeling his beloved and cursed monsters leaving him; his irritation grew and his violence escalated.
It was the bitter taste of defeat, of grape seeds bursting in Akito’s mouth, and he hated Honda Tohru so much he killed her over and over in his dreams.
Akito does not cry, but it does not mean there are no tears.
~*~ FINIS ~*~
A/N – Something new I was trying out. I may expand on this idea, but it was an experiment of sorts.
By the way - my HP essay is still being worked on. I'm having trouble with the character (Percy) through no fault of his. I want to make this somewhat unbiased (hah, perish the thought) and it's not exactly working. It's late - due date June 30th - but I should have it done by tomorrow evening or Sunday. *pause* No, I will have it done.
Work is doing a number on me; I've never been so busy before. ^_^ Perhaps that's a good thing. I feel tired but strangely jubliant after each day's work, and it pleases me to know that I'm earning enough money for a month's worth of typing, filing, taking orders, and learning the ropes of managing a business.
Though I guess I it's because of... *makes face* I don't know. My sister is making my hair turn white, and I feel like she's really starting to distance herself from us now. I know it doesn't make much sense. I can't really put it into words.
I'm hoping things will get better once we all get together as a family. They may exasperate me most of the time, but hey, it's family. I don't think I could ever let them go, you know? I've been going up and down through various different moods; it was like going through a menstrual cycle without the blood. Very bad.
That was also why I didn't really write much in my livejournal for the past two weeks; I was at the point where venting was impossible because I was incoherent with rage. There was a lot of conflict. Let's leave it at that.
By the way; is it even possible for online blogs to get more hysterical and funny?
Yes.
It apparently can.
fanfic_hateLine up your most hated HP slash fics, right here. And someone volunteered my Garden of Delights fic as "one of the worst slash fics ever". Does anyone even remember that atrocity? I submitted Snape to the mandrakes, and they were kind enough to bang him into oblivion during broad daylight. I am strangely pleased. Is that bad?
There were a bunch of fics mentioned. As usual, there's the almost-too-normal fics reported; you know the ones I mean, but the community hit some subtle ones that - either because of content and pairing - aren't as widely read as they deserve.
And they missed some fics I thought deserved to be there. I mean; absolutely no one brought up Sushi's In Academia series, though that has been one of the few stories that actually made me ill. It was sick, sick, sick, sick, sick; I love it anyways. There was no The Coachwhip by Scorpio Grudge which has to be one of the more interesting snake-as-sexual-object fics I've yet to see. (Well, she hasn't posted anything to FF.net since 2002, so that might be a reason)
Nice to see several familiar series that I read a while back - rec time!
Tea Series by Telanu
I'm guessing this was listed because this was one of the first Snape/Harry fics in existence and the first I ever read. It was also incredibly hot, incredibly sexy, incredibly angsty and oh yes - it made me like Snape/Harry. For a little while. And then the Snape-goes-to-Harry's-House-to-get-him stories started. And the Snape-is-Harry's-Dad. And Harry-goes-to-live-with-Snape. And, um - the love went away. Also, most everyone has read this, so I don't
The Losing Side by Antenora
I don't like Harry/Draco as much as I used to (essentially, it's sort of the same thing that happened to Snape/Harry, only at a much faster pace) but I still really like this fic, especially since Pansy Pakinson is abso-fucking-lutely awesome in here. Can I expand the fic about her rather than H/D? ^_^
antenora has not been on LJ lately (since September of 2003, I think?) so I don't know whether she changed journals or something else happened; I haven't seen any new chapters either so if you hate WIP with passion then skip!Underwater Light by Maya
Sure, there are parts of it I don't think really suits Draco OR Harry, but hey! Everything we right is essentially fanon!HP. There is no such thing as writing canon, because none of us are Rowling. Perhaps she's somewhere out there, writing under a psuedonym, but I doubt it. Though it'd be awfully cool to write fanfiction about your own series... XD And besides; she has Pansy Parkinson - and I love this Pansy Parkinson. Furious passion at its best. ^_^
simmysim
They said "anything by simmysim". Not true; I rather like all her Draco/Ron fics. Come to think about it, she might have been the only Draco/Ron writer I've read. Mostly because the pairing doesn't quite interest me. Secondly, because there are curiously few authors who have tackled this pairing. Because H/D is so much more appealing? Because Ron/Hermione is so omgitscanon that Ron is more standard fare? Nooo onnneeee knows.
The Mirror of Maybe by Midnight Blue
Am sad that this fic is plodding at such a slow pace, but since the writing is lovely, I can't help but be patient. I read this when I was in my Harry/Snape phase and I can only say; kewl. Harry is almost GaryStuish, but that's cause he's so darn cool and powerful. It was a little awkward to read about him being so 'worldly', but I got past it.
I've finished a Sakura-centric fic (from Naruto) that needs some editing before it can be put up. I anticipate Sunday. I really, really, really like it. *loves*
Links to Fruits Basket Anime Music Videos
LuV & jOy oF FrUiTs BaSkEt (All! Except Akito *pouts*)
Disturbing Behaviour (Kagura)
Empathetic (Yuki/Tohru/Kyo)
Riceball Love
Colorful Love
Grande Finale (absolutely BEAUTIFUL Hatori/Kana tribute)
Love Hurts (hysterical Kagura one!)
Wash Away those Years
Tears in Heaven (an Akito/Tohru video)
Links to a couple of Naruto vids
Disney in D(wchang) Minor
Tears of Snow (A Haku Tribute
Toushi (Absolutely awesome)
These are anime-specific. There are some crossovers that are really pretty, especially "Tainted Donuts". I'll list my favourite ones later. ^_^
I've been considering in just putting up the scans from the manga; translating them is more of hassle than I originally thought, and it's putting a kink in... well, everything. -_- Well, Volume 10 first. Then 11, because that has the most awesome scene of Akito absolutely beautiful in all his rage.
